Camping - Chaos - Christ Alone

I love camping.  Now that such a huge portion of my life is teaching little ones, managing the inside of a house, trying to teach them right from wrong, just washing the darn clothes.... I need to be outside and breathe deep EVERY chance I get.  So with my oldest in school for the first time in 4 years, I can see a holiday coming a mile away and I propose things to my husband to see what sticks.  Since adopting 2 children into our family just 6 months ago, this past weekend was our 2nd camping trip together as a family of seven.  I get a chuckle each time we fill out the online reservation form...cause the MAX OCCUPANCY allowed on any campsite is 6.  Why?  Because it's designed for a single family to stay on a site and what family in their right mind would have more than 4 kids?!??  Well, an insane one like ours.  So I check 6, and take my chances that no one is going to come up and count kids, ha!   

Packing is a daunting task, but the hope of peaceful time by the fire, peaceful kids so thrilled by the free space in the woods that they play without fighting, makes me keep going.  I was up until 3am in the morning the night before we were to leave, pressure cooking my first chicken (Jeremy received an electric pressure cooker for Xmas...wonder who it was really for) and then attempting to make something akin to the delicious chicken salad my Momma is known and loved for.   Why so late?  Cause even though I worked all day long to get caught up on 12 loads of laundry I had just done over the last 2 days while hubbie was out-of-town... it just never gets completed while the kids are awake.  They demand your attention.....someone needs something, someone is thirsty, someone needs their hiney wiped (the joy of my day to hear this sound bellow through the house.... "Mooooommma!  DONE!!!!!!!!")  Niiiiice you say.  Yes it is, and I remember this too shall pass.  I'm human, it grates on my nerves...and yes I prefer the demand versus the cleanup if I left them to take care of matters for themselves. 

So there I am, just 2 hours after I returned home from Walmart at 12:30am...cause I didn't leave my house for those 2 days to venture out with all 4 littles to the grocery store.  I waited until the hubs returned and then went....so I can think while I'm in there, instead of ending up with a bunch of random junk that we don't need.  And you know what? It was the first time I'd "fixed my face" (gotta love that Southern phrase) in those 3 days and put on decent looking clothes.  As I left to go at 11:30 that night I looked at my man and said, "I'm having a date with myself.  How do I look?"  I was happy as a lark, going through Walmart all by myself at midnight, able to take my time, without interruption and think.  This is my new normal.  How did I end up on this planet?  It has been such a strange and unpredictable winding road, I don't have the foggiest... I just know one decision to yield...led to another....led to another and here I am.  One highly educated, overachieving, student government nerd, ladder climbing girl.....now completely morphed into an unplanned preschool teacher who lives in pjs and sweats most days.  That's pretty funny, since a few years back (okay more like 6), after my first stint teaching the 4 year olds at VBS one summer, I declared I was NOT cut out for this age group.  I came home in a dither each day, frightened by my own inability to keep a Christlike attitude with a room full of 30+ 4 year olds who couldn't sit still, much less actually listen to the bible story I was trying to teach them.  I felt like I was accomplishing nothing in teaching or sharing Jesus with them.  Now fast forward to my life today, where my home has TWO 3 year olds, a four year old and a 6 year old home each day....it has to be God's plan cause it certainly wasn't mine.  Sometimes I shrug my shoulders and say, "Lord?  What was all the engineering for?"  I really feel in my heart though, that one day, ONE day, it will all come full circle and that part of my life too, will make sense.  All in His timing.

Back to packing and trying to get ready to leave for a 3 day weekend.  That sounds so simple, just throw in some clothes and food and get out of there already.  I know!!!! But, everything takes longer...not just 2 more kids longer....exponentially longer.  Not complaining, it's just a part of the equation that I'm still not calculating and adjusting enough for.  So, to keep the peace, we've let go of stressing over our inability to meet our own departure deadlines.  We just keep going, keep doing, until we can leave without any marital spats (so worth it, after years of leaving and not talking to each other for the first hour in the car, :)).  We finally pulled out of the driveway at 12:30 lunchtime and not half way to the state park (only 1 hour away) I heard the echos of children over the rumble of the diesel engine letting me know they were huuuuungry.  Well, duh!  It took your Momma and Daddy so long, it is past lunch time. But don't tell me again, or I just might explode and it won't be pretty.  Grrrr.  4 hours sleep anyone??  Not a good combination. 

Finally we made it to Skidaway Island State Park and as Jeremy signed us in, I was whipping out chicken salad sandwiches.  Isaiah had already eaten half of his bread (that I asked him to hold) before I could get the chicken on it.  Now that's why I stayed up to get it made....the beauty of having yummy lunch so quickly & it's something besides PB & J, or ham and cheese. 

We find a site and they are gorgeous. Large sites, very uncommon these days...surrounded by large live oaks dripping in Spanish Moss.  It doesn't get much better than that.  We start to get the camper situated and turn the kids loose on their trikes and bikes. Within minutes... DISCOURSE.  I've done all this work to get here, and that's as long as the serenity lasted???  Oh yea, who am I kidding?  A vacation is just the same work as at home with different scenery. :)  Seriously, they are fighting over a 15 x 20 foot tent pad with a picnic table in the middle....trying to race tricycles and pikes in a circle around it.  Don't even ask me why?  All the ground around us, was flat and wide open.  In these moments, when you just want a reprieve from the constant need for parental input into their lives....we realize that parenting is the hardest job in the world!!!! The task of teaching little ones right from wrong and getting them to care about it....it is overwhelming.  So we sat there, inside the camper for a moment, ignoring the petty sibling stuff going on outside and staring at each other.   Silence (well, kindof..RV walls are thin).  My mind spinning with all the things to contemplate in these moments...it's a wonder my head doesn't spin right off most days.  Then I say it, "Don't we need to be stronger for this task?"  "Are others better able to handle this?"  I'm talking about spiritually, inner attitude, grounded in Christ....with a transformed mind that can respond to all these moments as Christ would have us.  That is when I realize,  we can't be strong enough, I wasn't strong enough.  It really wasn't "us" that said yes.  We are as big of a work in progress MESS as the day before God wreaked us, flipped our worldview upside down and gave us a heart for orphans and adoption.  Hubbie and I have had this conversation several times in the last 6 months.  If this is really what God wanted us to do, shouldn't we be better at it?  That's just it, we weren't picked because we were ready for it...we were picked because we had quieted our selfish selves long enough during that season, we'd earnestly prayed to die to ourselves (clearly having no real idea what that would look like) so that we might truly see how He wanted us to live for Him, and then He did it.  Christ in us, moved us.  It was Him that said YES!! 

That's just it!  There was nothing better, or more mature about us in that season.  It was Christ, in our hearts, that created an obsession out of thin air....a compassionate obsession that kept me up nights reading and praying all hours.  Staring at picture after picture of the ebony faces and ivory smiles that called us to a land half a world away.  How could I be feeling such love for a people I'd never met and a place I'd never seen?  It made no sense.  Was this just a diversion, a misplaced area of internet connection, another bad habit instead of thumbing mindlessly though junk TV while my husband was working the night shift??? (Fall 2009)  It was Christ who said, yes.  Now I understand why other people have testified, that following God wasn't really a choice...there is no choice to say no.  Obedience was the only answer.  The thought processes, the unexplainable aching of the heart was relentless...and the only thing that brought relief, was uttering YES....and feeling the uncertainty of the water stretched out before us...and yet greater still was the faith that was growing, with every breath that we used to speak outloud our answer of yes.  It grew and grew.  

And now, on the other side of Christ's yes....when I am knee-deep in the work that is defied by my selfish nature, can be sabatoged any minute by anger, and I wonder why it's so hard sometimes...I remember once again. I must get myself, my ways, my thoughts, my plans OUT. OF. THE. WAY..and surrender to Christ.  He must be given full reign, of my heart, my attitude, my mind, in order for His plan for our family, and each individual in it to come to fruition.   

Now that I know what I need to do.. how do I do it?  Well that's another post.  How do you do it?  How do you keep Christ in control of your life as a Mom?  Knowing what needs to be done, and having the daily action steps to live it, can seem light years apart.  And so we press on.


Acts 20:24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
1 Corinthians 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
1 Corinthians 9:25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.

Press on dear sisters & brothers.

In the midst of all the Lord is teaching us.....there is GREAT JOY!!
We press on and we pray....and so we did.  We prayed over our kids and our weekend. And the rest of it, looked a little like the video below.

[see all that hard work to go camping...all the chores I left undone at home

....they were all worth it....see below:)]  At the end of the video you'll see us finding something in the marine forest....welcome to the world of geocaching, aka grown-up treasure hunting with a GPS.

Pause the Music at the bottom before starting the video.

This song is a special choice for all our Sonrise Family

 and those who have visited Sonrise in Jinja, Uganda.

  This song can always be heard when visitors are being farewelled,

 and at any celebration.

My little Freddie's eyes lit up as he heard the song playing on my laptop
 and he began singing along.

Labor of Locks and Love

Warning:  This long post isn't for all...we are delving into the world of women and hair. 

 


30 minutes - 1 back section complete

 These photos journal my process of removing my daughter's first set of braids.  Below is the full story of getting her hair braided for the first time ( in America anyway).  This post isn't meant to persuade anyone one way or another about braiding.  It's just one account, and if you are anything like me...hearing first hand accounts is usually pretty helpful.

Here you see evidence of some breakage and some normal shedding.

My ability to care for my daughter's hair had been growing with her hair for the first 4 months we were home.  However as time went by, and her hair grew thicker and longer.... I reached the limits of what had been a balance of some basic internet research (back when I had time to read, pre-adoption ) and intuition. So far I had successfully done finger twists, comb twists, and little braided puffs all over her head...before the detangling process became something she resisted all together.  It seemed I couldn't do anything that wasn't causing pain so we headed for the experts and went to a local black salon.   We were so loved on and received so well.  The salon's owner and master stylist greeted me by saying she was going to be my partner in this journey.  God blesses me so much by everyday encounters with beautiful people like this sweet woman.  The entire salon has been so good to us.. I mean we are quite the sight....here come's the crazy woman in the church van with five kids...some white, some black who take over the salon.  My Ugandan sweeties ask a gazillion questions about everything (who can blame them...EVERYthing is a whole new world, literally and the salon was no exception) and their lighter skinned brothers and sister want to see what is happening to them as well.  So Nuluu can't get her hair washed without Freddie or somebody wanting to go back to the washing station to "see".  Suffice it to say, a trip to the salon is good, but the ultimate test of my patience.  So onto the braiding experience.


I knew going into it, that braids (particularly those with extensions and not done by me) were NOT something I wanted to get into, and certainly not something we could afford to maintain.  All my early research into keeping her hair natural were anti too much braiding while you are trying to protect the hair for growth.  But....being a Momma who so wanted my princess to feel special meeting tons relatives over the Christmas  break... I made the appointment for the day before we were to travel.


Thank goodness this time there was no pain and she fell asleep.

She was so excited....long story short....it was a VERY traumatic experience...there were tears and wailing from the first braid to the last.  Now please understand, no one "did" anything wrong...the salon was just going about business as usual (minus the child seemingly being tortured at the braiding station - who's white momma appeared to have her in a head lock).  Did I tell you that I felt like the worst mother EVER??....like I had signed my child up for a torture chamber.  Now before I go any further you must know that about 3 braids in....my eyes have been continually darting around the room, scanning the faces of every black woman and stylist in the room to see if "this" is normal.  There were other moms in the chairs and they reassured me that those were real tears, but that this was normal and it would get better each time.   Iiiiiii, like I'm going to do this AGAIN anytime soon.  So, like I was saying, it was just the nature of braiding....compounded by the fact that my precious daughter is EXTREMELY tender headed and has her head shaved for most of her life, giving her no chance to get used to it .  Lord have mercy.  I mean, I initially started going to our stylist, because combing and styling her hair at home was turning into an impossible battle to get her to sit still and not overreact in tears to the least tug on her noggin.  So, when those first salon experiences getting "comb twist" styles were completely pain free, I thought well I better figure out a way to work this into the budget, cause you can't put a price on the stress reduction in our relationship.  Hair was supposed to be for Momma/daughter bonding, not relationship killing. 

1 Hour - Half way finished and lots of growth

So, braiding day was INSANE from beginning to end..our appt was moved up last minute, which meant hubbie was not home yet to watch the other 4....I had to search the house over for our old portable DVD player, a last ditch effort to entertain them...this was 5 days before Christmas...too many clients to take my whole crew in...not to mention I KNEW she was going to need my undivided attention.  So, 4 kids strapped into car seats, DVD on , and everyone threatened that if big brother had to come in and report anything.....it was going to be ugly. Now what was supposed to take 2 hrs ended up taking 4.5 hours.  [Praise God, 2 hours in, Dad came and rescued the innocent hijacked siblings]  Did I mention that I had her in a head lock and that we had a history of not sitting still well?  Well there you go.  Also you must know that at that 3 braid point, the owner and master stylist came over and talked to Nuluu and made sure she didn't want to stop.  Oh, she didn't want to.  I was in shock.  Alrighty then.   Well halfway in I was really feeling stupid over my parental decision to "try" this....cause it didn't get any better....but with a head HALF BRAIDED, what are you gonna do?  You gotta finish.  And 4.5 hours later and Momma needing a "nerve pill" as Grandma used to say, (ha!) we had a beautiful head of braids.  Another interesting point in the middle of this confusing maternal experience for me... I went to get a Coke Icee from BK (they never get soda, total treat) and some fries.  When I returned (it was next door) the stylist said she had only gotten one braid done the whole time so i was going to have to hold her head.  Now midstream her moans and cries of "Moooomma!" girlfriend would cease momentarily while she got a slurp or I shoved a fry in her mouth..."Hmmmm," I thought.  So, when she was done I expected her to run from the building, but no, she admired herself in the mirror.   - Welcome to the Insanity of Women...and to the tumultuous and confusing relationship known as Mother/Daughter... Lord help me now. 

Happy Girl - Braid Free

She looked lovely for Christmas...but she is too young to appreciate and behave in a way to protect this investment in her tresses.  We will not be getting professional braids again anytime soon....years I'm thinking.  And by then I hope and believe I'll be braiding her ever growing beautiful curls.  I was not prepared for the difference in how much time it took to remove braids from black hair compared to white.  Once I got it going with the proper detangling spray and the tines of my comb we were in business.  It was a 2 hour removal process and then washing followed by dad's help with a hot-oil treatment.  Some of the breakage that was clearly at the end of each row (where the extention was intially attached) broke my heart.  Lots of the other loss you see is typical shedding (I later learned on YouTube), which increases the longer the braids are in, and the more tightly they were done.  Can you tell I'm detail oriented?..this post isn't for everyone.   Hopefully it will be helpful info for someone.  By the way, thank you Lord for YouTube and to all the black women who have posted all the how-to's that have taught me so much.  God bless you.  I must acknowledge, Happy Girl Hair, a blog created by a white adoptive mommy...which provided the video and tutorial that changed our Mom/Daughter hair experience single-handedly.  I can't say thanks enough!

Different Views of beautiful braids enjoyed throughout Christmas

Good news is, Nuluu isn't scarred by her experience and we both learned a huge lesson.  I'm happy to report that after the removal, the proper detangling technique needed for her hair finally cliqued for me and we've had great success and reached a "hair" milestone this week.  Momma hasn't hurt her anything like the braiding and she is sitting still and being very good for me.  As I racked my brains with what on earth was the reason for that horrible experience, maybe that was it....now Momma is the hero... I'm certainly the agent of love.  And at the end of the day.. I'm so thankful that I have been given the opportunity to mother Nuluu, beautiful Ugandan princess that she is...and given the chance to be stretched, educated, and then use all this hair knowledge to love and care for my precious daughter.  One day, probably when she is a Mom, we will be able to laugh about "that day" at the salon...but not anytime soon. ;)

Our Story of Love

Here's a glimpse at the "highlights" of our first 3 months home from Uganda with Nuluu and Freddie. 

We must testify to the joys that made the trials all worth it.  They are not all behind us, but Praise God, His mercies are new each morning.   Creating this video which took WAY longer than it should have [note the time of this post, UGH (mom don't say a word ;)]....stinking compatibility problems, was therapy for my soul.  We all need to remember the milestones, remember just how far God has brought us thus far.  It is my heart's desire to daily have a grateful attitude this year.  I hope to fight the enemy's attacks on my mind (via my circumstances) with Praises to My KING, amidst the storms that come my way.  Don't Forget to PAUSE the Player at the bottom of the page before you play the video :)

Don't ask what the issue is with the slides of text... I guess you'll have to pause if anyone really cares about the words anyway ;)  I give up and now I've found my first complaint with a Picasa product...bummer.

His kind of New

Today in our Sunday School class, in light of it being a new year our teacher guided us through a study of how God uses the word "new" in scripture and what exactly God means by that.  We reviewed Jeremiah 31:31...and the more familiar 2 Cor 5:17 which says that, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ,  he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." [NASB]

We were asked to name all the different things that are called "new" in the Bible.  We rattled off, new heart, new spirit, new wineskins, new covenant, new heaven, new earth....you get the idea.  The point was that God is all about new...especially making us new.

We talked about how we get it, when others or even some of us, purposefully boycott the whole New Year's Resolution thing.  I mean, how many do we keep, EVER?  Why even bother with the exercise that only ends in a greater feeling of failure and depression.  But we talked about living victoriously as God has desired for us too, with perseverance.  He has given us the power, the desire, to try again....not to quit in defeat.  Where does that notion of "Why EVEN BOTHER?" come from?  That defeated mentality is right out of Satan's favorite bag of tricks.  He relishes seeing one Christ follower after another just hang it up when it comes to praying more, reading their Bible more, working on a new attitude of the heart, spending more time serving others.  He's saying, "Oh yea baby, another year, no noteworthy progress, stifled growth once again! Motivation to grow, share with others dashed...Wahoo!!"

We also discussed why saying yes, to "new" in God's eyes can be scary...cause it's not comfortable.  The new year's list that God might write for us....will inevitably involve change and none of us like or are comfortable with that.  All too often [let's get real He NEVER does, cause we'd assume we knew exactly how to get there and jack it all up], God won't paint a clear picture of what direction his New is even going in or certainly not what it's going to look like.  Following God on a "new" assignment is absolutely going to be an act of faith.  Someone testified in our class, that the Lord has just revealed to her that this year is going to be different....she can't draw a plan for the year's goals...she must follow Him simply one verse at at time ...verses that He will give her.  Praises, He has given her the first verse, and that brings encouragement as one embarks into the unknown.  That resonated with me.  That is where I want to reside this year....at Jesus' feet, listening & learning & being transformed one verse at a time.  That is my prayer.

On the way home from church, my hubbie and I were discussing the lesson.  As we pondered what kind of newness God wants in our lives we asked what does His kind of NEW look like? 

I believe that the "new" God wants for us is not like a new coat that we can put on over our old self.  We can't wear it.  We can't add His kinda love, grace, kindness, forgiveness, selflessness to our current selves [even our Jesus loving saved selves].  I believe what He wants the new Mandi to be like, can only come about slowly as the old Mandi dies.  I mean the dying of self where I become weaker (surrender my rights-my plans) so that Christ in me can be stronger.  Here's the picture.  When we think of new, we think of fresh, unspoiled, flawless, [new car smell anyone?] stronger, the best.  It hit me on the way home, little do we realize in order to achieve His picture, we must be broken. I'm talking a gazillion shattered plates, cups, mugs... mere shards, the painful kind...collected over time and trials.  He wants our big old broken mess, (we hand it over as we yield to His will for our lives), so that He can put it all together to form the most beautiful mosaic.  One of His design...more beautiful than anything we can imagine or think.

Oh My WORD!! It's been 4 months...

since my last post. 

Just this week after some emotional ups and downs along this new life path as a family of 7, I proclaimed to my husband, "I've got to start blogging again. For me.  For my sanity.  It's got to be regular, make myself be short and not so long-winded so I can just get it all out."

From September when I last posted, until November it was rough going at our house.  The full reality of the challenges of adopting two "older" (age 3 and up) kids at the same time, from another culture, from an orphan home, was a rocky road of reality that we were stumbling, bumbling, praying and crying our way through.  During this time, the words of the social worker who conducted our lengthy home studies visits and interviews last January came rushing back into my noggin....You two, DO realize that you are embarking on the most difficult adoption challenge....TWO kids....around the age of 4, at the same time.....Are you sure you are up for this?   And then I would think, yep, she was the most honest in her warning. And, YEP, she was spot on.  And then I would reflect on our answer.....we knew it was going to be hard (as much as you can imagine something from research and the personal testimonies of others) and we had thought and prayed about all the WORST CASE scenarios and at the end of the day, the Lord had brought us (via our life journey so far) to this place of knowing that all we can do is trust Him with all the unknown.  We told our social worker that we knew we couldn't handle any of it without Christ, that it was only through him that we'd make it, be able to love unconditionally.  We'd navigate all the unknown trials and challenges the same way we had learned years back (the hard way & with desperation) to do so when our first born was diagnosed with high-functioning autism.  That's a blog post in itself...how Autism led to Adoption.  And I'm serious, I can now say on the other side of that difficult time that without our son's autism and how our faith grew and God redefined our priorities....we never would've had the faith or the perspective to even give a second thought to what our family looks like now.  You never know what kind of Promised Land lies years beyond the messy wilderness you find yourself in now.  Keep Believing.  Keep Trusting Him.

Now where was I, oh yes, remembering her words about how hard it might be.  I wish I could say I remembered our powerful answer of faith and went through that season victoriously with a great thankful attitude and trusting God through all the dark times.....BUT this is reality and that was not the case.  There were moments (granted justifiable by any fleshy human standard) where I thought, we've obeyed Lord...WHY does it have to be this hard, this gut wrenching, THIS difficult.  And then I'd remember, He doesn't promise us it will be easy.  Stepping out in faith, is never going to be the easy route.  I can say that now (after 4 months), but there I was falling into a deep pit of self-pity.  Not regret mind you.  I was just in the throes of THE WORK as one of my friends did so well to correct me one day.  I was saying I felt like I was under attack or in a valley or something...and she said no you are just in the WORK that comes after saying yes.  It was so true..the hardship didn't mean I'd done anything wrong....didn't mean I'd or we'd stepped out of God's will....it just meant these hard times were the work, both in us and though us, and in our family. 

So now, we are still in THE WORK....but in November the daily challenges turned a corner....don't know when it happened exactly...but somewhere amidst the 2 steps forward, 3 steps back routine....there it was.  We noticed out of the blue, we could breathe a little easier, the tantrums were fewer, we weren't being challenged on everything, the bed wetting was more manageable....and our spirits were lifted as we turned our eyes towards the celebration of Jesus' birth and keeping things simple at home. I hope to share in the next few posts a glimpse of the joy and cherished moments God lavished on our family through the very first Christmas season with Nuluu and Fred home.

I'm such an over analyzer..and even knowing that about myself.. I don't know what to do about it.  I don't know how to be less self conscious, not worry about what other's might think.  I want to be real.  And I know the only way for me to do that is to write often so I can cover while it's fresh; the good ,the bad and the ugly.  Some might ask, why share? Why put it out there?  Well there is a small sense that it is for my own sanity..for my own heart to not be able to forget all these lessons.  I don't want to be another Israelite who has forgotten all the miracles God has done for me and wander again.  There is a small part that hopes to be of some use, to be of some benefit to someone else.....yes for personal validation (ooh there's the ugly part I hate to say...I'm a first born for goodness sake...and I'm at home with 4 littles every day between the ages of 3 and 6)....iyiyi I digress.  And then there's the greatest reason on my heart....I know without a doubt, the raw truth-telling, faith stretching blogs of other moms are what gave us the courage to keep going.  Once God placed the calling on our hearts and the waiting began...and the research began...and you wondered was this really the Lord or me or us...it was the testimony of others (via blogs) that said, "YES YOU CAN!"  It's tough, but it is possible, and it's SO worth it.  And for that reason, I will share, I will be myself, warts and all, and I pray that one day another child will be sponsored, another child will be fostered or adopted because our journey was an encouragement.