Warning: This long post isn't for all...we are delving into the world of women and hair.
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| 30 minutes - 1 back section complete |
These photos journal my process of removing my daughter's first set of braids. Below is the full story of getting her hair braided for the first time (
in America anyway). This post isn't meant to persuade anyone one way or another about braiding. It's just one account, and if you are anything like me...hearing first hand accounts is usually pretty helpful.
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| Here you see evidence of some breakage and some normal shedding. |
My ability to care for my daughter's hair had been growing with her hair for the first 4 months we were home.
However as time went by, and her hair grew thicker and longer.... I reached the limits of what had been a balance of some basic internet research (back when I had time to read, pre-adoption ) and intuition. So far I had successfully done finger twists, comb twists, and little braided puffs all over her head...before the detangling process became
something she resisted all together. It seemed I couldn't do anything that wasn't causing pain so we headed for the experts and went to a local black salon. We were so loved on and received so well. The salon's owner and master stylist greeted me by saying she was going to be my partner in this journey. God blesses me so much by everyday encounters with beautiful people like this sweet woman. The entire salon has been so good to us.. I mean we are quite the sight....here come's the crazy woman in the church van with five kids...some white, some black who take over the salon. My Ugandan sweeties ask a gazillion questions about everything (who can blame them...EVERYthing is a whole new world, literally and the salon was no exception) and their lighter skinned brothers and sister want to see what is happening to them as well. So Nuluu can't get her hair washed without Freddie or somebody wanting to go back to the washing station to "see". Suffice it to say, a trip to the salon is good, but the ultimate test of my patience. So onto the braiding experience.
I knew going into it, that braids (particularly those with extensions and not done by me) were NOT something I wanted to get into, and certainly not something we could afford to maintain. All my early research into keeping her hair natural were anti too much braiding while you are trying to protect the hair for growth. But....being a Momma who so wanted my princess to feel special meeting tons relatives over the Christmas break... I made the appointment for the day before we were to travel.
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Thank goodness this time there was no pain and she fell asleep.
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She was so excited....long story short....it was a VERY traumatic experience...there were tears and wailing from the first braid to the last. Now please understand, no one "did" anything wrong...the salon was just going about business as usual (minus the child seemingly being tortured at the braiding station - who's white momma appeared to have her in a head lock). Did I tell you that I felt like the worst mother EVER??....like I had signed my child up for a torture chamber. Now before I go any further you must know that about 3 braids in....my eyes have been continually darting around the room, scanning the faces of every black woman and stylist in the room to see if "this" is normal. There were other moms in the chairs and they reassured me that those were real tears, but that this was normal and it would get better each time. Iiiiiii, like I'm going to do this AGAIN anytime soon. So, like I was saying, it was just the nature of braiding....compounded by the fact that my precious daughter is EXTREMELY tender headed and has her head shaved for most of her life, giving her no chance to get used to it . Lord have mercy. I mean, I initially started going to our stylist, because combing and styling her hair at home was turning into an impossible battle to get her to sit still and not overreact in tears to the least tug on her noggin. So, when those first salon experiences getting "comb twist" styles were completely pain free, I thought well I better figure out a way to work this into the budget, cause you can't put a price on the stress reduction in our relationship. Hair was supposed to be for Momma/daughter bonding, not relationship killing.
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| 1 Hour - Half way finished and lots of growth |
So, braiding day was INSANE from beginning to end..our appt was moved up last minute, which meant hubbie was not home yet to watch the other 4....I had to search the house over for our old portable DVD player, a last ditch effort to entertain them...this was 5 days before Christmas...too many clients to take my whole crew in...not to mention I KNEW she was going to need my undivided attention. So, 4 kids strapped into car seats, DVD on , and everyone threatened that if big brother had to come in and report anything.....it was going to be ugly. Now what was supposed to take 2 hrs ended up taking 4.5 hours. [Praise God, 2 hours in, Dad came and rescued the innocent hijacked siblings] Did I mention that I had her in a head lock and that we had a history of not sitting still well? Well there you go. Also you must know that at that 3 braid point, the owner and master stylist came over and talked to Nuluu and made sure she didn't want to stop. Oh, she didn't want to. I was in shock. Alrighty then. Well halfway in I was really feeling stupid over my parental decision to "try" this....cause it didn't get any better....but with a head HALF BRAIDED, what are you gonna do? You gotta finish. And 4.5 hours later and Momma needing a "nerve pill" as Grandma used to say, (ha!) we had a beautiful head of braids. Another interesting point in the middle of this confusing maternal experience for me... I went to get a Coke Icee from BK (they never get soda, total treat) and some fries. When I returned (it was next door) the stylist said she had only gotten one braid done the whole time so i was going to have to hold her head. Now midstream her moans and cries of "Moooomma!" girlfriend would cease momentarily while she got a slurp or I shoved a fry in her mouth..."Hmmmm," I thought. So, when she was done I expected her to run from the building, but no, she admired herself in the mirror. - Welcome to the Insanity of Women...and to the tumultuous and confusing relationship known as Mother/Daughter... Lord help me now.
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| Happy Girl - Braid Free |
She looked lovely for Christmas...but she is too young to appreciate and behave in a way to protect this investment in her tresses. We will not be getting professional braids again anytime soon....years I'm thinking. And by then I hope and believe I'll be braiding her ever growing beautiful curls. I was not prepared for the difference in how much time it took to remove braids from black hair compared to white. Once I got it going with the proper detangling spray and the tines of my comb we were in business. It was a 2 hour removal process and then washing followed by dad's help with a hot-oil treatment. Some of the breakage that was clearly at the end of each row (where the extention was intially attached) broke my heart. Lots of the other loss you see is typical shedding (I later learned on YouTube), which increases the longer the braids are in, and the more tightly they were done. Can you tell I'm detail oriented?..this post isn't for everyone. Hopefully it will be helpful info for someone. By the way, thank you Lord for YouTube and to all the black women who have posted all the how-to's that have taught me so much. God bless you. I must acknowledge, Happy Girl Hair, a blog created by a white adoptive mommy...which provided the video and tutorial that changed our Mom/Daughter hair experience single-handedly. I can't say thanks enough!
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| Different Views of beautiful braids enjoyed throughout Christmas |
Good news is, Nuluu isn't scarred by her experience and we both learned a huge lesson. I'm happy to report that after the removal, the proper detangling technique needed for her hair finally cliqued for me and we've had great success and reached a "hair" milestone this week. Momma hasn't hurt her anything like the braiding and she is sitting still and being very good for me. As I racked my brains with what on earth was the reason for that horrible experience, maybe that was it....now Momma is the hero... I'm certainly the agent of love. And at the end of the day.. I'm so thankful that I have been given the opportunity to mother Nuluu, beautiful Ugandan princess that she is...and given the chance to be stretched, educated, and then use all this hair knowledge to love and care for my precious daughter. One day, probably when she is a Mom, we will be able to laugh about "that day" at the salon...but not anytime soon. ;)
