We're Still Alive

Life got hard.   Really hard.  And it's still hard on many days, but we are learning, we are growing and inspite of all our failures...God is working redemption and healing in our lives.  Now you might think I am simply referring to God's work in redeeming the lives of my 2 children from hard places...but it pretty much includes all of us, especially me.  The new and unimagined challenges that we have faced over the last year+ have put a spot light on my own selfishnes, sin nature and limited capabilities to do or solve any of this in my own stength.  In Christ alone I place my trust.  But I am SO impatient in wanting to see the results of that trust.  I am constantly having to remind myself that this journey we are on in life, is a marathon and many of the results may not even be "seen" or "felt" this side of Heaven.

What have we been doing?  Well after our 2 new additions arrived home in July 2011.  We sent our oldest off to public school for 4th grade (homeschool was totally disrupted by our bonding/struggling to maintain sanity season).  I schooled our kindergarten at home via GA Cyber Academy. And the youngest 3 bonded, free-wheeled and learned how to be in a family.  Youngest daughter went to 3yr preschool 3 mornings a week. 
...
...
...

So much happened in that ..., things that maybe I will get my courage up to share.   Things that I wish more adoptive families had shared about and then maybe we would've been a little less naive about the storms on this path we so walked in whole-hearted obedience.  We are making it.  It is often not pretty, but we are making it and slowly slowly God's healing is revealed.  More wounds surface...but He never leaves us and the story He is writing is so much bigger than any one of our individual lives.  So I trust, I cling sometimes by a thread to His promises, His love.  Truth is...I wish I were better at trusting and speaking aloud His promises, His Word...instead of being blinded by circumstances that shift like sand and letting my mind be ruled by the lies of the enemy. 

So where are we today?  Our firstborn chose to come back home this year, to be homeschooled again for 5th grade.   It is refreshing to have my son back, and it gives us freedom now that he has experienced both settings for an education and has made his own choice.  My 1st grade son, is continueing with GA Cyber Academy and we enjoy it.  I am finally (since this school year began in August) doing a more structured curriculum with my K, 4K and 3K darlings.  And slowly my type A self is finding peace with lowering the bar that stayed so HIGH in my head, (setting me up for failure EVERY.single.day) and realizing that it's going to be okay.  As my lil' Ugandans continue to adjust to American life, and culture, and English, I'm realizing the intense change in what our kids" must know" by Kindergarten (since I was a kid) isn't going to rule our lives.  Just one of the many things that just has to be different now that we have 5 kids.  More details about what we do, regarding schooling 5 kids to follow later.

We are heading into this year's Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons with very different hearts and mindsets after experiencing our first Christmas all together last year with all 7 of us together.   There was just such a difficult collision of fun traditions in Santa Claus and the truth of what a Christ focused celebration should be about in our home.  There is no way to introduce fun imaginary traditions, "good little girls and boys" when you know Santa has never visited Africa, so therefore they've never been good....see, a mess.  So we knew before Christmas Day last year, that this entire season would be different.  And here we are just 2 short months away and God has place something HUGE on our family's horizon that really does set a different focus for us.

I'm sure many people (including our families) thought, okay now that they have adopted their kids from Africa...surely this whole Africa business will be out of their systems.  Well, I hate to dissappoint, but it was never just about adoption.  Our hearts were broken for the entire people group of Uganda.  And then our hearts were uplifted and challenged by the tremendous faith and joyfilled lives of the Uganda people.  Even after spending almost 4 weeks in Uganda during our adoption process, and being seperated from half our kids and my husband, and wanting in that moment to be home so badly... I knew that it would not be my last trip to Uganda.  In spite of all the hard places and dark emotional struggles of the last year... I would find myself questioning my own sanity, as my heart and thoughts still drifted to Uganda.  There is something more that God has for us there...it may be just a short term trip.  Additional adoption is the farthest thing from my mind....just keeping it real (I'm stretched so thin, I think I can see through myself ;)  I don't know what it is!  But in my weakness, my brokenness, in my still messed up (but forgiven) sinful life...I can not understand for the life of me why He would allow me to be apart of sharing His Gospel, the most precious task of extending His very LOVE to those who have not heard the Good News of Jesus Christ.  In His mysterious ways, He is doing it again, calling us to something that on the outside, with normal world "eyes" looks INSANE!  He has given us an invitation to take a trip, a journey back to Uganda in February, and He has impressed it on us to take our 2 oldest boys ages 10 and 7.  Many in the UG adoptive community are thinking, big whoop, we took all our kids to Uganda when we adopted.  I know, I know, and that gives me great peace that we are not pioneering here.  But for our family, and particularly the "extended" family, I'm sure this decision is akin to placing their heads in an alligator's mouth at a local redneck tourist stop.  On the flip side, I am beyond EXCITED to share this God adventure with my oldest boys.  All they've heard about is Uganda for 3 years, and now they too will get to experience another culture and see God work in miraculous ways.  It is my prayer that because God is sending them too, their lives will be different, that more of their days will be lived with Eyes Wide Open.

So much more to come on how you can support us in prayer and our fundraising efforts.  We are running to keep up with all that God has put in motion, since we committed to a (Yes) for this trip to Angoltok, Uganda. 

I hope you will come along for the journey.  God will be glorified!! 

Partially due to technical difficulties and wanting an updated blog, a new look AND a much easier to remember address...I will be continueing this journey HERE. To my 37 precious FOLLOWERS, I hope you will click, HERE and FOLLOW me & continue to share this conversation with me, this journey.  I say Thank You with all my heart, because I, more than any other woman, was made for relationship and this connection to you has kept me going.