Here's a glimpse at the "highlights" of our first 3 months home from Uganda with Nuluu and Freddie.
We must testify to the joys that made the trials all worth it. They are not all behind us, but Praise God, His mercies are new each morning. Creating this video which took WAY longer than it should have [note the time of this post, UGH (mom don't say a word ;)]....stinking compatibility problems, was therapy for my soul. We all need to remember the milestones, remember just how far God has brought us thus far. It is my heart's desire to daily have a grateful attitude this year. I hope to fight the enemy's attacks on my mind (via my circumstances) with Praises to My KING, amidst the storms that come my way. Don't Forget to PAUSE the Player at the bottom of the page before you play the video :)
Don't ask what the issue is with the slides of text... I guess you'll have to pause if anyone really cares about the words anyway ;) I give up and now I've found my first complaint with a Picasa product...bummer.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
His kind of New
Today in our Sunday School class, in light of it being a new year our teacher guided us through a study of how God uses the word "new" in scripture and what exactly God means by that. We reviewed Jeremiah 31:31...and the more familiar 2 Cor 5:17 which says that, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." [NASB]
We were asked to name all the different things that are called "new" in the Bible. We rattled off, new heart, new spirit, new wineskins, new covenant, new heaven, new earth....you get the idea. The point was that God is all about new...especially making us new.
We talked about how we get it, when others or even some of us, purposefully boycott the whole New Year's Resolution thing. I mean, how many do we keep, EVER? Why even bother with the exercise that only ends in a greater feeling of failure and depression. But we talked about living victoriously as God has desired for us too, with perseverance. He has given us the power, the desire, to try again....not to quit in defeat. Where does that notion of "Why EVEN BOTHER?" come from? That defeated mentality is right out of Satan's favorite bag of tricks. He relishes seeing one Christ follower after another just hang it up when it comes to praying more, reading their Bible more, working on a new attitude of the heart, spending more time serving others. He's saying, "Oh yea baby, another year, no noteworthy progress, stifled growth once again! Motivation to grow, share with others dashed...Wahoo!!"
We also discussed why saying yes, to "new" in God's eyes can be scary...cause it's not comfortable. The new year's list that God might write for us....will inevitably involve change and none of us like or are comfortable with that. All too often [let's get real He NEVER does, cause we'd assume we knew exactly how to get there and jack it all up], God won't paint a clear picture of what direction his New is even going in or certainly not what it's going to look like. Following God on a "new" assignment is absolutely going to be an act of faith. Someone testified in our class, that the Lord has just revealed to her that this year is going to be different....she can't draw a plan for the year's goals...she must follow Him simply one verse at at time ...verses that He will give her. Praises, He has given her the first verse, and that brings encouragement as one embarks into the unknown. That resonated with me. That is where I want to reside this year....at Jesus' feet, listening & learning & being transformed one verse at a time. That is my prayer.
On the way home from church, my hubbie and I were discussing the lesson. As we pondered what kind of newness God wants in our lives we asked what does His kind of NEW look like?
I believe that the "new" God wants for us is not like a new coat that we can put on over our old self. We can't wear it. We can't add His kinda love, grace, kindness, forgiveness, selflessness to our current selves [even our Jesus loving saved selves]. I believe what He wants the new Mandi to be like, can only come about slowly as the old Mandi dies. I mean the dying of self where I become weaker (surrender my rights-my plans) so that Christ in me can be stronger. Here's the picture. When we think of new, we think of fresh, unspoiled, flawless, [new car smell anyone?] stronger, the best. It hit me on the way home, little do we realize in order to achieve His picture, we must be broken. I'm talking a gazillion shattered plates, cups, mugs... mere shards, the painful kind...collected over time and trials. He wants our big old broken mess, (we hand it over as we yield to His will for our lives), so that He can put it all together to form the most beautiful mosaic. One of His design...more beautiful than anything we can imagine or think.
Oh My WORD!! It's been 4 months...
since my last post.
Just this week after some emotional ups and downs along this new life path as a family of 7, I proclaimed to my husband, "I've got to start blogging again. For me. For my sanity. It's got to be regular, make myself be short and not so long-winded so I can just get it all out."
From September when I last posted, until November it was rough going at our house. The full reality of the challenges of adopting two "older" (age 3 and up) kids at the same time, from another culture, from an orphan home, was a rocky road of reality that we were stumbling, bumbling, praying and crying our way through. During this time, the words of the social worker who conducted our lengthy home studies visits and interviews last January came rushing back into my noggin....You two, DO realize that you are embarking on the most difficult adoption challenge....TWO kids....around the age of 4, at the same time.....Are you sure you are up for this? And then I would think, yep, she was the most honest in her warning. And, YEP, she was spot on. And then I would reflect on our answer.....we knew it was going to be hard (as much as you can imagine something from research and the personal testimonies of others) and we had thought and prayed about all the WORST CASE scenarios and at the end of the day, the Lord had brought us (via our life journey so far) to this place of knowing that all we can do is trust Him with all the unknown. We told our social worker that we knew we couldn't handle any of it without Christ, that it was only through him that we'd make it, be able to love unconditionally. We'd navigate all the unknown trials and challenges the same way we had learned years back (the hard way & with desperation) to do so when our first born was diagnosed with high-functioning autism. That's a blog post in itself...how Autism led to Adoption. And I'm serious, I can now say on the other side of that difficult time that without our son's autism and how our faith grew and God redefined our priorities....we never would've had the faith or the perspective to even give a second thought to what our family looks like now. You never know what kind of Promised Land lies years beyond the messy wilderness you find yourself in now. Keep Believing. Keep Trusting Him.
Now where was I, oh yes, remembering her words about how hard it might be. I wish I could say I remembered our powerful answer of faith and went through that season victoriously with a great thankful attitude and trusting God through all the dark times.....BUT this is reality and that was not the case. There were moments (granted justifiable by any fleshy human standard) where I thought, we've obeyed Lord...WHY does it have to be this hard, this gut wrenching, THIS difficult. And then I'd remember, He doesn't promise us it will be easy. Stepping out in faith, is never going to be the easy route. I can say that now (after 4 months), but there I was falling into a deep pit of self-pity. Not regret mind you. I was just in the throes of THE WORK as one of my friends did so well to correct me one day. I was saying I felt like I was under attack or in a valley or something...and she said no you are just in the WORK that comes after saying yes. It was so true..the hardship didn't mean I'd done anything wrong....didn't mean I'd or we'd stepped out of God's will....it just meant these hard times were the work, both in us and though us, and in our family.
So now, we are still in THE WORK....but in November the daily challenges turned a corner....don't know when it happened exactly...but somewhere amidst the 2 steps forward, 3 steps back routine....there it was. We noticed out of the blue, we could breathe a little easier, the tantrums were fewer, we weren't being challenged on everything, the bed wetting was more manageable....and our spirits were lifted as we turned our eyes towards the celebration of Jesus' birth and keeping things simple at home. I hope to share in the next few posts a glimpse of the joy and cherished moments God lavished on our family through the very first Christmas season with Nuluu and Fred home.
I'm such an over analyzer..and even knowing that about myself.. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to be less self conscious, not worry about what other's might think. I want to be real. And I know the only way for me to do that is to write often so I can cover while it's fresh; the good ,the bad and the ugly. Some might ask, why share? Why put it out there? Well there is a small sense that it is for my own sanity..for my own heart to not be able to forget all these lessons. I don't want to be another Israelite who has forgotten all the miracles God has done for me and wander again. There is a small part that hopes to be of some use, to be of some benefit to someone else.....yes for personal validation (ooh there's the ugly part I hate to say...I'm a first born for goodness sake...and I'm at home with 4 littles every day between the ages of 3 and 6)....iyiyi I digress. And then there's the greatest reason on my heart....I know without a doubt, the raw truth-telling, faith stretching blogs of other moms are what gave us the courage to keep going. Once God placed the calling on our hearts and the waiting began...and the research began...and you wondered was this really the Lord or me or us...it was the testimony of others (via blogs) that said, "YES YOU CAN!" It's tough, but it is possible, and it's SO worth it. And for that reason, I will share, I will be myself, warts and all, and I pray that one day another child will be sponsored, another child will be fostered or adopted because our journey was an encouragement.
Just this week after some emotional ups and downs along this new life path as a family of 7, I proclaimed to my husband, "I've got to start blogging again. For me. For my sanity. It's got to be regular, make myself be short and not so long-winded so I can just get it all out."
From September when I last posted, until November it was rough going at our house. The full reality of the challenges of adopting two "older" (age 3 and up) kids at the same time, from another culture, from an orphan home, was a rocky road of reality that we were stumbling, bumbling, praying and crying our way through. During this time, the words of the social worker who conducted our lengthy home studies visits and interviews last January came rushing back into my noggin....You two, DO realize that you are embarking on the most difficult adoption challenge....TWO kids....around the age of 4, at the same time.....Are you sure you are up for this? And then I would think, yep, she was the most honest in her warning. And, YEP, she was spot on. And then I would reflect on our answer.....we knew it was going to be hard (as much as you can imagine something from research and the personal testimonies of others) and we had thought and prayed about all the WORST CASE scenarios and at the end of the day, the Lord had brought us (via our life journey so far) to this place of knowing that all we can do is trust Him with all the unknown. We told our social worker that we knew we couldn't handle any of it without Christ, that it was only through him that we'd make it, be able to love unconditionally. We'd navigate all the unknown trials and challenges the same way we had learned years back (the hard way & with desperation) to do so when our first born was diagnosed with high-functioning autism. That's a blog post in itself...how Autism led to Adoption. And I'm serious, I can now say on the other side of that difficult time that without our son's autism and how our faith grew and God redefined our priorities....we never would've had the faith or the perspective to even give a second thought to what our family looks like now. You never know what kind of Promised Land lies years beyond the messy wilderness you find yourself in now. Keep Believing. Keep Trusting Him.
Now where was I, oh yes, remembering her words about how hard it might be. I wish I could say I remembered our powerful answer of faith and went through that season victoriously with a great thankful attitude and trusting God through all the dark times.....BUT this is reality and that was not the case. There were moments (granted justifiable by any fleshy human standard) where I thought, we've obeyed Lord...WHY does it have to be this hard, this gut wrenching, THIS difficult. And then I'd remember, He doesn't promise us it will be easy. Stepping out in faith, is never going to be the easy route. I can say that now (after 4 months), but there I was falling into a deep pit of self-pity. Not regret mind you. I was just in the throes of THE WORK as one of my friends did so well to correct me one day. I was saying I felt like I was under attack or in a valley or something...and she said no you are just in the WORK that comes after saying yes. It was so true..the hardship didn't mean I'd done anything wrong....didn't mean I'd or we'd stepped out of God's will....it just meant these hard times were the work, both in us and though us, and in our family.
So now, we are still in THE WORK....but in November the daily challenges turned a corner....don't know when it happened exactly...but somewhere amidst the 2 steps forward, 3 steps back routine....there it was. We noticed out of the blue, we could breathe a little easier, the tantrums were fewer, we weren't being challenged on everything, the bed wetting was more manageable....and our spirits were lifted as we turned our eyes towards the celebration of Jesus' birth and keeping things simple at home. I hope to share in the next few posts a glimpse of the joy and cherished moments God lavished on our family through the very first Christmas season with Nuluu and Fred home.
I'm such an over analyzer..and even knowing that about myself.. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to be less self conscious, not worry about what other's might think. I want to be real. And I know the only way for me to do that is to write often so I can cover while it's fresh; the good ,the bad and the ugly. Some might ask, why share? Why put it out there? Well there is a small sense that it is for my own sanity..for my own heart to not be able to forget all these lessons. I don't want to be another Israelite who has forgotten all the miracles God has done for me and wander again. There is a small part that hopes to be of some use, to be of some benefit to someone else.....yes for personal validation (ooh there's the ugly part I hate to say...I'm a first born for goodness sake...and I'm at home with 4 littles every day between the ages of 3 and 6)....iyiyi I digress. And then there's the greatest reason on my heart....I know without a doubt, the raw truth-telling, faith stretching blogs of other moms are what gave us the courage to keep going. Once God placed the calling on our hearts and the waiting began...and the research began...and you wondered was this really the Lord or me or us...it was the testimony of others (via blogs) that said, "YES YOU CAN!" It's tough, but it is possible, and it's SO worth it. And for that reason, I will share, I will be myself, warts and all, and I pray that one day another child will be sponsored, another child will be fostered or adopted because our journey was an encouragement.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Nothing in Return
got your attention? Well, something grabbed my attention, more like seized my heart this morning when my husband and I had a moment. We were in the throws of communication challenges with our oldest daughter. And by that, I mean, she shuts down. So we are trying to as simply and lovingly as possible let her know we want her to talk to us, to tell us why she's upset, and reassure her that no matter what she says (i.e. I'm mad at Mommy/Daddy) she will not be in trouble. Insert 1 month, of her clearly communicating and effectively tattlling and telling all sorts of things in such a way that lead us to believe she understood alot more than she actually does. Believing she understood so much more, (when sorting through sibling dissagreements and who hurt whom, and who started what and who is being purposefully mean) and based on her clear answers there was a lot more frustration and discipline handed out over the last month than there should have been. We are not perfect, we never were. We are going to make just as many mistakes with our adoptive children and then some than we did and still do with our bio children. I used to always think in other situations, this is too hard, shouldn't God's will for our lives feel good? be easier than this?...kind of like the image we have in our heads of how great the careers are of those who are actually doing what they love to do. But the Lord shows us otherwise.....we are called to walk in the sufferings of Christ, as he refines us, as we grow in our relationship with him..... He shows me here (these verses are from the Message):
Fortunately, I have learned just a bit of the truth of these scriptures, and we didn't enter into this calling without understanding that it was going to be hard. However that doesn't mean that there aren't going to be hard lessons, greater truths exposed in our lives as we walk this beautiful winding and yes, sometimes painful path that the Lord is using for His glory (now, I don't imagine much is glorifying these days, but that is the goal...our heart's desire, that something of our mess will glorify God even if He is the only one who sees).
So our peaceful chat began and ended calmly and quickly with a refusal to talk. Mom (that's me) quietly exited stage left in tears (upon Dad's que) and waited. He then placed her in his arms like a baby (he later shared), and tried once again to break through and he had success. No real answers to the questions we were asking, but answering something and talking. YES!! We praised profusely. Inside I'm thinking, but we got no where, I know no more than I did an hour ago about WHY she was mad. But this is the hole I dug, by being too reactionary for the last month, and the undoing/redoing only started 2 days ago, so it's going to take time. It's going to be a very slow process. And yes, in a perfect world I would've had more training, read more books, and been pychologically educated on all these matters...but that is just not reality for a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom of 3...and that is what and who I was when God chose to place this calling on our hearts with a blaze. So I move forward, I regroup, I pray for wisdom from my heavenly Father...finding peace that this is His plan, He loves each of my children more than me, all FIVE of them, and He's not going to let me screw this up. He is sovereign. I must continue to Yield, Yield anew each day to His promptings, to respond in selfless love, a kind of love that we don't naturally overflow with, the kind that only comes from Jesus Christ. I don't have that kind of love to give, unless I receive it first from Christ.
When my husband brought my daughter in to share a few words that she had spoken to him, we praised and then he and I had a moment to reflect on what just happened. I said, we had such a beautiful day of total love yesterday (Sat.), no one had to go in timeout, lots of cuddling and pampering, pedicures by Mom for the girls (whew), and I can't expect it to be mended overnight. He said, "We've got to earn her trust again, not that we lost it all, but we've got to earn it in a deeper way."
...
...
And then I shared that I struggle with keeping that emotional energy there throughout my day. It breaks you down to keep pouring into these challenging exchanges when your child can communicate, but just refuses to. And then I said it.
"It is so hard when someone is making demands all day long, every day and you get nothing in return." And my husband looked into my eyes and the realization came across his and my face at the same time....
He said, "we are getting a small taste..." And I said "Stop, stop, don't say anymore!" Tears flowed.
In my heart I realized that this, this pain, is but a taste of what I, we, put God through EVERY day. Isn't that a picture of our prayer lives, our relationship with God? We pray, and ask and beg and plead, and DEMAND help of him ALL THE TIME...and we give him Nothing in Return.
Oh the lessons we learn, how God regroups us, redirects us, even at home on a Sunday. I want to be at my church, enjoying corporate worship, but the time is not yet. So as I prepare for home church, while we are bonding with our new additions, I will ponder anew the priviledge I have been given to love, to be loved, to be pruned, to learn more of my Father's unfailing love on this path He has set before us. So grateful that we said yes, when it would've been much easier to say no. Even in these hard phases it is worth it, right now. I can only be filled with hope for all that the Lord is going to restore, and all the beauty that will come from these ashes.
(F)And not only this, but also ourselves, having (G)the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves (H)groan within ourselves, (I)waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, (J)the redemption of our body. 24 For (K)in hope we have been saved, but (L)hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25 But (M)if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
Luke 9:23 Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?
Peter 4:1 [ Learn to Think Like Him ] Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.
So our peaceful chat began and ended calmly and quickly with a refusal to talk. Mom (that's me) quietly exited stage left in tears (upon Dad's que) and waited. He then placed her in his arms like a baby (he later shared), and tried once again to break through and he had success. No real answers to the questions we were asking, but answering something and talking. YES!! We praised profusely. Inside I'm thinking, but we got no where, I know no more than I did an hour ago about WHY she was mad. But this is the hole I dug, by being too reactionary for the last month, and the undoing/redoing only started 2 days ago, so it's going to take time. It's going to be a very slow process. And yes, in a perfect world I would've had more training, read more books, and been pychologically educated on all these matters...but that is just not reality for a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom of 3...and that is what and who I was when God chose to place this calling on our hearts with a blaze. So I move forward, I regroup, I pray for wisdom from my heavenly Father...finding peace that this is His plan, He loves each of my children more than me, all FIVE of them, and He's not going to let me screw this up. He is sovereign. I must continue to Yield, Yield anew each day to His promptings, to respond in selfless love, a kind of love that we don't naturally overflow with, the kind that only comes from Jesus Christ. I don't have that kind of love to give, unless I receive it first from Christ.
When my husband brought my daughter in to share a few words that she had spoken to him, we praised and then he and I had a moment to reflect on what just happened. I said, we had such a beautiful day of total love yesterday (Sat.), no one had to go in timeout, lots of cuddling and pampering, pedicures by Mom for the girls (whew), and I can't expect it to be mended overnight. He said, "We've got to earn her trust again, not that we lost it all, but we've got to earn it in a deeper way."
...
...
And then I shared that I struggle with keeping that emotional energy there throughout my day. It breaks you down to keep pouring into these challenging exchanges when your child can communicate, but just refuses to. And then I said it.
"It is so hard when someone is making demands all day long, every day and you get nothing in return." And my husband looked into my eyes and the realization came across his and my face at the same time....
He said, "we are getting a small taste..." And I said "Stop, stop, don't say anymore!" Tears flowed.
In my heart I realized that this, this pain, is but a taste of what I, we, put God through EVERY day. Isn't that a picture of our prayer lives, our relationship with God? We pray, and ask and beg and plead, and DEMAND help of him ALL THE TIME...and we give him Nothing in Return.
Oh the lessons we learn, how God regroups us, redirects us, even at home on a Sunday. I want to be at my church, enjoying corporate worship, but the time is not yet. So as I prepare for home church, while we are bonding with our new additions, I will ponder anew the priviledge I have been given to love, to be loved, to be pruned, to learn more of my Father's unfailing love on this path He has set before us. So grateful that we said yes, when it would've been much easier to say no. Even in these hard phases it is worth it, right now. I can only be filled with hope for all that the Lord is going to restore, and all the beauty that will come from these ashes.
(F)And not only this, but also ourselves, having (G)the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves (H)groan within ourselves, (I)waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, (J)the redemption of our body. 24 For (K)in hope we have been saved, but (L)hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25 But (M)if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
Romans 8:23
Here's some of our more beautiful moments....there in there....it's like a roller coaster up and down...and all worth it.
Taken by our #2 Son, Isaiah :)
Nuluu, Isaiah, Lucy & Freddie...
getting their Toby Mac groove on!!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
We Are Home!!!
We arrived miraculously home on the night of July 18th. So we have now been settling in for a bit over a week. And yes, it has taken me that long to come up for air and find a moment to blog.
I feel like I need a shirt that says, "I live forlaundry, I mean love."
Yes, If it kills me I WILL be going back in time and sharing many of the details of my 3 and a half week journey of adoption in Uganda. For now dear friends...enjoy these photos taken by our dear friend and travel companion (who helped me with the kids and coming home without hubbie). Thank you Katie Rae!!
I can't say enough about the power of prayer during our time in Uganda...for that matter starting with the miraculous answer to prayer that happened only FIVE DAYS before we departed when we got news of our court date. The intensity and excitement of that week, really never subsided as our faith journey crossed the ocean and moved to the continent of Africa. That 5 days notice, was just foreshadowing of the events and miraculous timelines that would unfold in Uganda.
The good news is we were granted Legal Guardianship of our daughter and son and we are now home safely building our new relationships and knitting our now larger family tightly together....one moment at a time.
Okay, off to bed... first night up past 10pm for this former nightowl, now completely cured. Who knew? All it took was becoming the mother of five :)
I feel like I need a shirt that says, "I live for
Yes, If it kills me I WILL be going back in time and sharing many of the details of my 3 and a half week journey of adoption in Uganda. For now dear friends...enjoy these photos taken by our dear friend and travel companion (who helped me with the kids and coming home without hubbie). Thank you Katie Rae!!
I can't say enough about the power of prayer during our time in Uganda...for that matter starting with the miraculous answer to prayer that happened only FIVE DAYS before we departed when we got news of our court date. The intensity and excitement of that week, really never subsided as our faith journey crossed the ocean and moved to the continent of Africa. That 5 days notice, was just foreshadowing of the events and miraculous timelines that would unfold in Uganda.
The good news is we were granted Legal Guardianship of our daughter and son and we are now home safely building our new relationships and knitting our now larger family tightly together....one moment at a time.
Okay, off to bed... first night up past 10pm for this former nightowl, now completely cured. Who knew? All it took was becoming the mother of five :)
Meet My Son, Freddie
Meet My Nuluu
No matter the age, they all just long for arms to hold them.
Me and Katie Rae
Me and Damali (Director of Sonrise Baby Home)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
overdue Update
First of all I'm so sorry for not updating more. So much has been happening that it's been impossible to condense and if you know me, you are laughing right now....cause I can't condense anyway to save my own life. ha! So, let's see we met two of the surviving relatives of both of our children on day 2, our first morning waking up with the kiddos. I was like Wow! Lord! This is intense from our first morning waking up in Uganda. It is all on video for our children to have one day. This precious time documenting family history was such a blessing and a gift.
Later that day I had my first true market experience in Jinja. I never made it to the market last year. Nulu wanted to go with Momma, so she walked right with me all the way as we went along from stand to stand, weaving our way through the maze of alleys and pathways to some of the most fresh and delicious produce. If only I had a cold jar of Kraft mayo I would be buying cucumbers and tomatoes for a sandwich.
Okay this is my next attempt at blogging, after beginning this one ohhh two weeks ago. To say that life here in Uganda has been overwhelming (but in a good way) is an understatement. Now I understand once again (like last year) why many people can't keep it up, when they are in Uganda. And just like at home, parenting my two here is just as busy as my 3 back in the states. Except for their ages (3 & 5) they are discovering and experimenting and getting into all kinds of new things more like 2 year olds.
So after our first weekend in Jinja, Uganda, we were able to visit the village homes of our children. It was a really good day but an intense day. I had really wanted the Lord to give me confirmation that this is the best plan for the two children that He has chosen for our family. Just like all people all around us in our lives in the US or our friends in third world countries...there is pain and suffering all around us, and no one's story is simple. So the stories of our children's extended families isn't simple either. I have no doubt, that we are exactly where the Lord wants us this day. I have no doubt that we have been chosen to be the forever family for F and N and that they will fit in our family like missing puzzle pieces. And yet, as I have blogged about before, there is great loss in adoption. My feelings and emotions (which is why I can't trust them) have gotten so complicated when I see the special gifts and personalities of my children and how they have effected the children's home where they have been raised the last two years. It hurts when I see the unique role they have played in the orphan home dynamic and think about the void that will be left in their absence. Don't get me wrong, I keep finding peace in knowing that God has a special plan for my daughter and son, and that is why out of all the children he could have called us to be Mommy and Daddy to, he chose N and F. I am just sharing my mix of thoughts, because this is reality, and I want to be real about what it looks like to adopt an older child that is not an infant or young toddler, one who has relationships and true friendships. So there are tears at times....times that reveal just a glimpse, just a hint of unknown future pains. Even after I voice my concerns...the Lord whispers to my heart, this is the path I have for you, just walk in it one day at a time, it is a plan for good. Not a pain free path mind you, but one that He will use for the ultimate good and to glorify his name.
These thoughts I am sharing are not in chronological order of my last two weeks. These are experiences that have emerged slowly over all our time here.
So, after our village visits and lots of documenting for our children. We have had the pleasure of meeting the Sonrise Children's Choir...another outreach ministry of the Sonrise Community Church, pastored by Ivan Mukulu. He is also the director and patriarch of the Sonrise Children's Home. All I can say is the Lord has placed a passion in my heart for the children of the choir...not only are they working so hard to sing and dance and perfect their worshipful song to share with the world...but they have hearts for the Lord that come out of the most humble and devastating testimonies of suffering. I will be sharing their stories one by one in the weeks to come. And yes, that means I will be sharing with the hope that the Holy Spirit will call others to join with us in supporting these precious children. Pastor Ivan has a beautiful long term vision for the Children's Choir that I can't wait to share with you. These children, most with no resources for an education, or even daily food, will demand your attention as they offer up through their gifts the most pure and precious worship of our Lord and King Jesus. Once again my time in Uganda is humbling...and it is the reminder I want to be ever present that there is so much more to be done...there are brothers and sisters in Christ suffering and even more so the lost of the world who have not yet experienced the love of Christ. We can not get complacent. I beg you, get out of your comfort zone and go on a mission trip. Yes, it is true, it will change your life...but the bigger question is, will it effect eternity for you?
Court Update:
We went to court on our assigned Friday. We waiting for about 3 hours and then got to sit in on about 1.5 hours of someone else's ruling. The case in front of us was going to be heard for the remainder of the evening until 7pm, so we were asked to return Monday July 4th, at no particular time. Hmmm, interesting. We returned to Jinja, about 2-3 hours away late that Friday night. Spent Saturday recouping. Worshipped at Sonrise on Sunday, and then packed up a Matatu (van) again with all our court clothes and the surviving relatives of our children, and our friends and their boys and headed back to Kampala. It was a late night. After finding a hotel in the capital city...our dear friend Josh departed for the Entebbe airport. We had all made it to the IOM for our children's visa medical exams on Friday (hallelujah!) and then HAD to return on Monday for the 3 day TB skin test. Since our Judge didn't specify a time, our attorney said to go on to the medical check up. We did and were out of there, by 10:20am. We then went straight the the court house, arriving at 11am. We hung out in the waiting room all day long. They had rows of attached chairs, just like a doctor's office or the airport. After our 1st experience on the previous Friday, we decided not to put on our court clothes until we got to court. Well, we had hoped to find a restroom on a different floor of the same building just not the one right past the judge's chambers...well no such luck, so we sprinted past his door as not to be spotted in our Uganda dirt covered threads. We rushed (which is really funny considering how long we wait) to get dressed, we forgot F's socks...um go with his sandals...we are already in outfit #2, cause we wore #1 on our first appearance. By the way, did I mention that there is no A/C. Not complaining...it just helps to understand what all this rushing looks like with hubby in a full suit and tie, same with our son in a sport coat...looked so handsome BTW, but probably on the verge of heat exhaustion (j/k). So we are set, my stomach is doing backflips, and I am frantically looking over my Luganda (most common Uganda dialect in the region where we are) word cards (God bless you Marci Miller- you will never know how much I used what you created...my 5yo daughter gets them out everyday and names everyone :). Lunch time comes and goes, but we are too afraid to get up...the Judge could call us in at any moment. The children color (thank you Emily), draw, run around the room, eat packed cheez-its and drink lots of water and ultimately get lots of orange dirt stains all over their fancy clothes. By the time we got called into our actual hearing at 6:30pm...yes you are reading that right...I could care less about our clothes anymore. I really should fill in all the ups and downs and emotional moments during those 7 hours of waiting....needless to say there were many moments of intense praying as the day progressed. And yes, that entire day was spent in that one waiting room (and going up and down the hall to susu (potty)), with all 13 people that were apart of our witnesses (including us and the kids). I said many times, you can't explain this to folks unless we were all wearing helmet cameras. During our hearing the Lord's presence was sooooo evident as the questioning took twists and turns that revealed a glimpse again of God's greater plan and what He is at work doing that was much bigger than even our family's legal guardianshp case. So much to share one day, when this phase of our journey is complete.
I must go to sleep, it's 12:42 am the latest I've been up here....can you tell I'm missing my husband?. Pl ease pray for me to stop any feeble attempts to be in control, when I so clearly am completely out of any control of my current life circumstances. Pray for me to rest in Christ, as I repent of any fleshly attempts of the day to maintain control. Please pray for my children here with me, and wisdom for me as I navigate treacherous unchartered waters of love and discipline and the blurry line between them.
The spiritual warfare increases yet again, as the day of decision for our family draws near. I am weak. Psalm 61:1-5
Love,
Mandi
Later that day I had my first true market experience in Jinja. I never made it to the market last year. Nulu wanted to go with Momma, so she walked right with me all the way as we went along from stand to stand, weaving our way through the maze of alleys and pathways to some of the most fresh and delicious produce. If only I had a cold jar of Kraft mayo I would be buying cucumbers and tomatoes for a sandwich.
Okay this is my next attempt at blogging, after beginning this one ohhh two weeks ago. To say that life here in Uganda has been overwhelming (but in a good way) is an understatement. Now I understand once again (like last year) why many people can't keep it up, when they are in Uganda. And just like at home, parenting my two here is just as busy as my 3 back in the states. Except for their ages (3 & 5) they are discovering and experimenting and getting into all kinds of new things more like 2 year olds.
So after our first weekend in Jinja, Uganda, we were able to visit the village homes of our children. It was a really good day but an intense day. I had really wanted the Lord to give me confirmation that this is the best plan for the two children that He has chosen for our family. Just like all people all around us in our lives in the US or our friends in third world countries...there is pain and suffering all around us, and no one's story is simple. So the stories of our children's extended families isn't simple either. I have no doubt, that we are exactly where the Lord wants us this day. I have no doubt that we have been chosen to be the forever family for F and N and that they will fit in our family like missing puzzle pieces. And yet, as I have blogged about before, there is great loss in adoption. My feelings and emotions (which is why I can't trust them) have gotten so complicated when I see the special gifts and personalities of my children and how they have effected the children's home where they have been raised the last two years. It hurts when I see the unique role they have played in the orphan home dynamic and think about the void that will be left in their absence. Don't get me wrong, I keep finding peace in knowing that God has a special plan for my daughter and son, and that is why out of all the children he could have called us to be Mommy and Daddy to, he chose N and F. I am just sharing my mix of thoughts, because this is reality, and I want to be real about what it looks like to adopt an older child that is not an infant or young toddler, one who has relationships and true friendships. So there are tears at times....times that reveal just a glimpse, just a hint of unknown future pains. Even after I voice my concerns...the Lord whispers to my heart, this is the path I have for you, just walk in it one day at a time, it is a plan for good. Not a pain free path mind you, but one that He will use for the ultimate good and to glorify his name.
These thoughts I am sharing are not in chronological order of my last two weeks. These are experiences that have emerged slowly over all our time here.
So, after our village visits and lots of documenting for our children. We have had the pleasure of meeting the Sonrise Children's Choir...another outreach ministry of the Sonrise Community Church, pastored by Ivan Mukulu. He is also the director and patriarch of the Sonrise Children's Home. All I can say is the Lord has placed a passion in my heart for the children of the choir...not only are they working so hard to sing and dance and perfect their worshipful song to share with the world...but they have hearts for the Lord that come out of the most humble and devastating testimonies of suffering. I will be sharing their stories one by one in the weeks to come. And yes, that means I will be sharing with the hope that the Holy Spirit will call others to join with us in supporting these precious children. Pastor Ivan has a beautiful long term vision for the Children's Choir that I can't wait to share with you. These children, most with no resources for an education, or even daily food, will demand your attention as they offer up through their gifts the most pure and precious worship of our Lord and King Jesus. Once again my time in Uganda is humbling...and it is the reminder I want to be ever present that there is so much more to be done...there are brothers and sisters in Christ suffering and even more so the lost of the world who have not yet experienced the love of Christ. We can not get complacent. I beg you, get out of your comfort zone and go on a mission trip. Yes, it is true, it will change your life...but the bigger question is, will it effect eternity for you?
Court Update:
We went to court on our assigned Friday. We waiting for about 3 hours and then got to sit in on about 1.5 hours of someone else's ruling. The case in front of us was going to be heard for the remainder of the evening until 7pm, so we were asked to return Monday July 4th, at no particular time. Hmmm, interesting. We returned to Jinja, about 2-3 hours away late that Friday night. Spent Saturday recouping. Worshipped at Sonrise on Sunday, and then packed up a Matatu (van) again with all our court clothes and the surviving relatives of our children, and our friends and their boys and headed back to Kampala. It was a late night. After finding a hotel in the capital city...our dear friend Josh departed for the Entebbe airport. We had all made it to the IOM for our children's visa medical exams on Friday (hallelujah!) and then HAD to return on Monday for the 3 day TB skin test. Since our Judge didn't specify a time, our attorney said to go on to the medical check up. We did and were out of there, by 10:20am. We then went straight the the court house, arriving at 11am. We hung out in the waiting room all day long. They had rows of attached chairs, just like a doctor's office or the airport. After our 1st experience on the previous Friday, we decided not to put on our court clothes until we got to court. Well, we had hoped to find a restroom on a different floor of the same building just not the one right past the judge's chambers...well no such luck, so we sprinted past his door as not to be spotted in our Uganda dirt covered threads. We rushed (which is really funny considering how long we wait) to get dressed, we forgot F's socks...um go with his sandals...we are already in outfit #2, cause we wore #1 on our first appearance. By the way, did I mention that there is no A/C. Not complaining...it just helps to understand what all this rushing looks like with hubby in a full suit and tie, same with our son in a sport coat...looked so handsome BTW, but probably on the verge of heat exhaustion (j/k). So we are set, my stomach is doing backflips, and I am frantically looking over my Luganda (most common Uganda dialect in the region where we are) word cards (God bless you Marci Miller- you will never know how much I used what you created...my 5yo daughter gets them out everyday and names everyone :). Lunch time comes and goes, but we are too afraid to get up...the Judge could call us in at any moment. The children color (thank you Emily), draw, run around the room, eat packed cheez-its and drink lots of water and ultimately get lots of orange dirt stains all over their fancy clothes. By the time we got called into our actual hearing at 6:30pm...yes you are reading that right...I could care less about our clothes anymore. I really should fill in all the ups and downs and emotional moments during those 7 hours of waiting....needless to say there were many moments of intense praying as the day progressed. And yes, that entire day was spent in that one waiting room (and going up and down the hall to susu (potty)), with all 13 people that were apart of our witnesses (including us and the kids). I said many times, you can't explain this to folks unless we were all wearing helmet cameras. During our hearing the Lord's presence was sooooo evident as the questioning took twists and turns that revealed a glimpse again of God's greater plan and what He is at work doing that was much bigger than even our family's legal guardianshp case. So much to share one day, when this phase of our journey is complete.
I must go to sleep, it's 12:42 am the latest I've been up here....can you tell I'm missing my husband?. Pl ease pray for me to stop any feeble attempts to be in control, when I so clearly am completely out of any control of my current life circumstances. Pray for me to rest in Christ, as I repent of any fleshly attempts of the day to maintain control. Please pray for my children here with me, and wisdom for me as I navigate treacherous unchartered waters of love and discipline and the blurry line between them.
The spiritual warfare increases yet again, as the day of decision for our family draws near. I am weak. Psalm 61:1-5
Love,
Mandi
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Day 1 - Travel & Arriving in Uganda
Today was a day like no other. It started with a blessed experience in the London airport and a flight where unlike last year, I was actually able to sleep. During our 11 hr layover I remembered these 5 leather couches in the middle of the terminal...and sure enough they were all occupied by sleeping passengers when we first scoped them out. I was chatting away (surpise) when Katie Rae who was facing the crowd, saw someone making a move and bolted for the couch. That one simple couch gave all 3 of us some much needed rest, as we took turns over the next 9 hours. On our final flight from London to Entebbe, I woke up with 1 hr 30 min remaining until we landed. I turned on some music and just became completely overwhelmed with the feelings and knowledge of walking through an answered prayer that has been on our hearts for almost 2 years. I worshipped the Lord right there on the plane with a grateful heart for all He has done and is doing through our adoption of Fred and Nulu.
Our faith has been stetched and grown so much during this time. After we arrived at the Entebbe Airport we found a shuttle driver waiting for us (we were 30 min late). He was holding a sign that made us laugh. It said, Mandi Johnson (x2 pass) and underneath it read:
We had 10 total. We made it to the guest house where Kim and Josh spent Thursday night and freshened up while we waited to be picked up by all the beautiful people who run Sonrise Baby Home. We had no idea if ours or Josh and Kim's children would be coming with them to pick us up. In a little while they arrived.. I looked out the window and saw Rebecca the volunteer mission team director, then I heard Damali's voice. As my gaze fell lower, seeking little people...there they were, Fred and Nulu.
You could tell they had made a long journey, the 3+hrs to reach our location. They also looked blank and scared. I knelt down to hug them, and they were very still and unresponsive. They were very unsure of what was happening. They never travel to meet the numerous teams of mzungus (white people) that visit each summer. They are used to white people coming bringing donations and treats, giving lots of hugs, playing games and then before you know it they are off again.
I knelt down to put my arms around Fred and wasn't there long before I realized he was soaking wet. Not being used to the long ride, he'd had an accident in his jeans AND spilt water all down his sweatshirt. So what would have been really uncomfortable turned into an immediate moment to parent and care for our son and meet his needs. We had new underwear and clothes in our bag and got him all cleaned up and ready to go. So uncertain, not sure of what each moment would hold....then slowly as we began our 3 hourbouncy ride in the matatu, something began to happen. Giggles (Fred still has one of the most beautiful laughs in the world) and smiles in the car, having to tell Fred to put his arm back inside the van (he was not happy about this "who were we to tell him what to do :), so the passing cars didn't take it off...that is a reality on the roads of Uganda..no yellow line :). Next we stopped for lunch, and it was just like a meal with our kids back home, Jeremy and I between them serving their food and cutting their meat.
I don't even know what was next, but as evening fell it became time for bed time. They did not resist or seem fearful to be with us. A volunteer mission team that had been here for 2 weeks was staying in the guest house with us. They commented that they could see a change in Nulu. They said she was so happy. And she stayed right by my side. Just precious and my daughter has a smile that will light up the world. She is shy at times, she covers her smile with her hands..but her upturned mouth peeks out and the joy escapes to warm my heart. We gave them baths and placed them and our friends' boys in the room that was prepared for the 4 of them. By the end of the day, they were occasionally called us Mama Mandi and Daddy. They were not sleeping with us, which seemed logical because that is what they are used to. However the Moody brothers actually gave up minimal crying quickly and drifted off...in a little bit crying was heard and when I saw the grown-ups they said, it was Nulu and it was a pitiful cry. I went in and got her down and took her to my bed. Not 10 min later Fred was crying.. I mean come on we couldn't let the big ones wake up the toddlers. So Fred got in daddy's bed. With our 5 days notice before flying over here...they prepared our room with twin beds. Which worked out great because they can each sleep with one of us. I'm sorry even with older kids, this is the most important and precious bonding time. They have never had someone regularly cuddle with them. Day One ended with another accident (we fed them late, drank too much) but again, precious time to be gentle and meet their needs. I've never been so grateful for the things we get frustrated with at home. I must go to bed... all I can say is that Day One doesn't hold a candle to Day 2. I will write and post as soon as possible.
Our faith has been stetched and grown so much during this time. After we arrived at the Entebbe Airport we found a shuttle driver waiting for us (we were 30 min late). He was holding a sign that made us laugh. It said, Mandi Johnson (x2 pass) and underneath it read:
(Wiz a lot of luggage)
tee hee
You could tell they had made a long journey, the 3+hrs to reach our location. They also looked blank and scared. I knelt down to hug them, and they were very still and unresponsive. They were very unsure of what was happening. They never travel to meet the numerous teams of mzungus (white people) that visit each summer. They are used to white people coming bringing donations and treats, giving lots of hugs, playing games and then before you know it they are off again.
I knelt down to put my arms around Fred and wasn't there long before I realized he was soaking wet. Not being used to the long ride, he'd had an accident in his jeans AND spilt water all down his sweatshirt. So what would have been really uncomfortable turned into an immediate moment to parent and care for our son and meet his needs. We had new underwear and clothes in our bag and got him all cleaned up and ready to go. So uncertain, not sure of what each moment would hold....then slowly as we began our 3 hourbouncy ride in the matatu, something began to happen. Giggles (Fred still has one of the most beautiful laughs in the world) and smiles in the car, having to tell Fred to put his arm back inside the van (he was not happy about this "who were we to tell him what to do :), so the passing cars didn't take it off...that is a reality on the roads of Uganda..no yellow line :). Next we stopped for lunch, and it was just like a meal with our kids back home, Jeremy and I between them serving their food and cutting their meat.
I don't even know what was next, but as evening fell it became time for bed time. They did not resist or seem fearful to be with us. A volunteer mission team that had been here for 2 weeks was staying in the guest house with us. They commented that they could see a change in Nulu. They said she was so happy. And she stayed right by my side. Just precious and my daughter has a smile that will light up the world. She is shy at times, she covers her smile with her hands..but her upturned mouth peeks out and the joy escapes to warm my heart. We gave them baths and placed them and our friends' boys in the room that was prepared for the 4 of them. By the end of the day, they were occasionally called us Mama Mandi and Daddy. They were not sleeping with us, which seemed logical because that is what they are used to. However the Moody brothers actually gave up minimal crying quickly and drifted off...in a little bit crying was heard and when I saw the grown-ups they said, it was Nulu and it was a pitiful cry. I went in and got her down and took her to my bed. Not 10 min later Fred was crying.. I mean come on we couldn't let the big ones wake up the toddlers. So Fred got in daddy's bed. With our 5 days notice before flying over here...they prepared our room with twin beds. Which worked out great because they can each sleep with one of us. I'm sorry even with older kids, this is the most important and precious bonding time. They have never had someone regularly cuddle with them. Day One ended with another accident (we fed them late, drank too much) but again, precious time to be gentle and meet their needs. I've never been so grateful for the things we get frustrated with at home. I must go to bed... all I can say is that Day One doesn't hold a candle to Day 2. I will write and post as soon as possible.
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